We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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