I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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