I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
