Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
