During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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