And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
