Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
...so i touched it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
