I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
vagina is talking i cant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
