yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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