Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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