i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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