Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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