break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
