3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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