It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
