i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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