garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
