That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
