5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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