I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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