we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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