please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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