i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
