names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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