i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
