My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
