the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
