dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
