Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
