The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
