Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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