Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
