i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
