i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
