Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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