I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
