What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize