Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
