I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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