I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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