it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
