Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
