so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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