Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
