ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
