meet me or not, i'm out of control
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
