Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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