I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize