Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
