Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
