Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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