Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
