she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
