she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
