It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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