Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
