If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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