Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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