He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
