Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
