guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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