I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
