Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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