i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He passed out mid-signature
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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