Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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