The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
